Attack of the Mush: Until the Last Shoe Drops

I sat there listening intently to every sound. Half-awake I tried and make sense of what you were saying. It was only a few hours ago when you were hugging me and kissing me, tearfully saying that you love me. It was only a few hours ago that leaving was not an option. It was past one o’clock when you decided to let me go. It was then, my heart stopped beating. It was then I knew I had to go.

Everything was perfect before that night. I was right where I belong. Until I knew the truth, the truth that you can’t fight for me. It wasn’t an option. Your love, OUR love couldn’t conquer it all. But you were what I hoped for. It was you that I loved. It was you that made me happy. I asked for you --- wished, hoped and prayed for you. I wasn’t ready to get my heart broken so early. I was still content loving you. But it had to end.

I remember hearing the words.
I remember wiping the tears.
I remember feeling the pain.
I remember wanting my heart to stop beating.

I remember but wanted to forget.

So let me say my goodbye if only to force my world to start turning once again. Let me NOT ask, hope, wish and pray for you to return. I don’t want empty dreams --- like promises written on the sand. I can’t wait forever --- since it may never come. Don’t say you miss me and do nothing. Don’t say you’re lonely when you’re surrounded by people you can’t let go. Don’t say when you’re ready to come back, you will because we both know you can’t. Don’t love me anymore because it will never be enough. I will never be enough.

Let me pretend to be strong now. Let me at least try...

For now.

Love Letters and Idealisms by Noel Abelardo